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Pamela Cole Harris | Ten Ways to Get Your Kids to Talk to YouBy Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC  Parents can often be frustrated by their kids'
unwillingness to share their lives with them.
Whether your kids are toddlers or teens, there
will be times when it's difficult to "break
through" and find out what's really going on.
Here are ten ideas on how to create opportunities
for your kids to open up and share their lives
with you.
1. Don't try so hard to get them to talk.
The harder you try to get them to talk, the more
they'll resist you. When you relax the pressure a
bit, they'll sense it and be more ready to talk to
you.
2. Slow down your own life and be available.
Kids have a keen sense of how busy you are. If
you're providing enough down time for you and your
kids, they'll be more likely to feel comfortable
talking to you.
3. Engage in a physical activity that they enjoy.
Shooting baskets, playing soccer, or a game of
catch may have your child chattering away. Moving
the body can serve to move the mouth as well!
4. Be as non-judgmental as possible.
If your kids feel they won't be judged when they
talk to you they'll have no reason to hold back.
Have a sense of curiosity and wonder about what
they're saying, and limit the lectures about
what's right or wrong.
5. Use open-ended questions.
Questions that begin with "why" tend to create
defensiveness, and yes or no questions won't get
you much of a response. Learn to use questions
that will stimulate conversation. "What did you
notice about that picture?" works better than,
"Did you like that picture?"
6. Use the car as a place for conversation.
You've got them and they can't get out! Don't
allow video games or other toys to interfere with
your opportunity to talk with them.
7. Reflect back what you hear from them.
It's still the best way for your kids to feel
heard and the best way to encourage them to expand
on the subject.
8. Talk to them while they're coloring, painting,
or drawing.
Using these activities to allow your kids to
express themselves can have them expressing
themselves to you as well. And joining in on the
activity yourself can produce an even greater
sense of connection and sharing.
9. Provide opportunities for fun and excitement.
Whatever the activity, when your kids are doing
something they love to do they'll want to share it
with you. Provide these for your kids and listen
to them talk about it afterward!
10. Be a friend as well as a parent.
While you must be a parent first, being a friend
to your kids will help them to want to share with
you. Don't overdo the strict parental stuff!
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers
(http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm. For more great tips
and
action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly
newsletter,
Dads, Don't Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com
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